Dear friends, I have spent my last month in a not so awesome place. I hate admitting things like this because I want to have it all together. But I have been down cowering in a little hole hurting. I have had many growing pains this month personally, which aren’t inherently bad, but how I let them eat up my whole self was just sad. I literally had my world and sense of self altered by WPPI. It was overwhelming in every sense. I did have a really great time with friends, but I struggled with my purpose there. In a place of tens of thousand photographers, you are just one little spec in the midst a ridiculously loud and noisy crowd. I took this feeling personally and boy did it come home with me and until late last week it has affected me on every level. What changed you might ask?

Mid-last week I was driving to a workout that I was hoping to avoid after a long and horrible day. While praying and fighting the tears in the car. I blurted out “I don’t want to hurt anymore” followed by prayers asking if God could take away this burden. Wondering if he could really relive this crap that I have carried around for almost a month? Which as I am writing seems hilarious that I would even doubt his power. But sometimes we just get caught up in moments where we think we are too far gone. After about 5 minutes, the anxiety that I had been holding onto all week finally released. Yet later that evening my hubby and I got into a disagreement that brought it right back, again I was stubborn to let the worries go. A hard night sleep helped me put my head back on straight and that morning I declared to let the man upstairs take over, I just can’t do it alone. Things are looking up, and I am back to making things happen.I finally felt like me after 3 weeks.

Tonight while watching the Biggest Loser or should I say crying through the Biggest Loser, this song came on at the end. I just heard a couple of the words and rushed down to my office to listen. I am in tears listening to all the lyrics that are so valid for where I am in life right now. Seriously every single one of these lyrics touches my heart. Check out this amazing video where the artist Britt Nicole talks about the story behind the song. So please listen to this song while you are reading the lyrics.

You look around
It’s staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder

What if I’m overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one’s there?
Will you hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won’t let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too

So get out
And let
Your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don’t wait
Don’t you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you’re not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won’t let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too

(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you’re broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can’t see where you’re going
You don’t have to be afraid

So what are you waiting,
What are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water…
Walk on the water too