Can you believe it is March already? It seem like I wrote this post ages ago. Here is my February self portrait. Man let me tell you these don’t get any easier for me. A whole ball of emotions well up inside when I put together these posts.
This month was definitely plum-full of introspection. I have been processing my thoughts, moods and decisions in depth. I am fighting feeling uncomfortable and trying to get the core of my fears or beliefs that are holding me back. One of the specific things I have been wrestling with is how I see myself. I am utterly critical of every single imperfection I have.
I recently have been introduced to Hot Yoga and I absolutely love it. It’s a great workout and awesome detox because its between 105-109 the whole time you are in there. During the class the teacher instructs you to find your eyes/gaze in the mirror in front of you. Here comes me being super vulnerable….. I know this sounds small, but this is so hard for me. I don’t like looking at myself. The minute I lift my eyes I can only see my problems. My shirt isn’t fitting right, I am not small enough, my hair is making me look like a boy, my cheeks are chubby….I could go on and on people.
I don’t want to be this way. I want to look into the mirror and love the me that is present at that moment, boy hair and all.
I can’t wait till the month I share a self-portrait where I am not looking away, but proudly sharing the present me without reservations. Until then, I am working through it. Which is ok. Because it’s really about the journey and not just the destination, right Emily?
Gina you are a REMARKABLE and beautiful woman! So proud to know you, and to be a witness to the journey that you are on. To me you are one of the strongest women I know, and when we talk, you constantly ask questions that I need to hear. Lots of processing and thoughts going on down here too.. HUGS!
And I daily pray that your strength in yourself only grows to be able to see the person I know. I want to see your eyes stat.
I totally have to comment on this because it’s something I have been thinking about – and struggling with myself – a lot lately. I have been very harmful and hard on myself in the past. And one day, when I was whining about how my lip curls up crookedly when I smile and how ugly that was, I stopped and actually listened to what I was saying. I wondered how I would feel if I heard my gorgeous, spectacular, amazing daughter (who happens to have inherited that quirky little lip curl) say these kinds of critical things about herself. It would break my heart. Because when I look at her I see nothing but perfection. Her smile is a miracle and the very idea that she might find some flaw in her beautiful face was crushing.
So lately I’ve been trying to see in the mirror what my Dad must have seen when he looked at me. It’s a sort of experiment, a challenge I have issued to myself. And, as cheesy as it sounds, it actually works. The world needs a little more love, I think. Starting with loving ourselves is both the easiest and the hardest thing to do. But personally I’m a little happier when I catch a glimpse of my reflection these days.
Life’s too short and you’re WAY too beautiful to be so hard on yourself. Chin up, girl. Enjoy that journey. 🙂
Ohhh yes mam that’s right! I so know what you mean. And I admitadly laughed when I read your “flaws” that you see. I thought “she’s crazy! Those are MY FLAWS!” So funny what we see in ourselves that no one else does. <3
Gina…you are so NOT alone with this! It would be nice if we all naturally accepted our imperfections and moved on…but that’s just not the case. Putting yourself out there on your blog is a great achievement and a step in overcoming these fears. Cheers to you.
Beautiful Photo! Gina, I truly consider myself lucky to have met you! You are such an inspiration and have such a huge heart! I’m excited to see where life takes you and your talents. There are no flaws and I can’t wait to see those eyes of yours!
Hi Gina! You move me. Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable with us. I think you are beautiful inside and out. Love your journey and your photography! Besitos! 🙂