I was that girl. The girl that thought; we are young, we are healthy, we will get pregnant the second we start. Right? I was that girl that was so excited and petrified at the same time. Ready. Then the first month passed I wasn’t too sad, then the second and I felt a bit uneasy so I started researching and with encouragement from a friend I started temping & tracking my information. I was excited to learn and time it perfectly then the third month, fourth, fifth etc. I did everything right. I saw the signs, we timed it right and nothing. Emotionally I started to break. Watching what feels like everyone under the sun get pregnant around us. While trying everything from eating pineapple, standing on my head, fill-in-the-blank and fertility treatments.  There have been many tears and sad days. We are here over a year + later still hoping and wishing for that plus sign. For that first heart beat. For that first sign of hope. **

 

Yet this post isn’t about being sad or mad (even though those are two real emotions that come and go). It’s about perspective.

 

The funny thing is tonight I just sit in awe of how the story of our child’s life is being written right now. This wait. The tears. The yearning. This is all part of the story. Part of preparing our hearts for that someone. However they might come and (as scary as it is to say it) wherever and whenever they come. THIS is the story. We are living in it. Every step and emotion.

 

How much of our lives do we live in the next best thing? In grade school we want to be big enough to go to sleepovers, then go on dates, then be in college, then married…..you get the drift. We want so badly for the next part of our story to start, with quite possibly ignoring the one we are in. The moments that we are never going to get back. Why does it so often take tragedy or hardship to get us back to the things that matter? Why do we go along our days acting like there will be a million of them ahead? James 4:15  reminds us that we are not the main event in this thing called life. That each moment and breathe is a gift. A GIFT. It’s hard to say those words to anyone including myself at the pit of hurt and suffering but it’s truth.

 

Can you imagine that each of our breaths left on this earth are numbered? That exact number only the Lord knows. Doesn’t that make you want to get rid of the fluffy stuff in your life and focus your effort on what matters? Doesn’t it lite a fire to create a story/memories that really mean something?

 

I know we so often say flippantly to “live in the moment” or to “slow down and soak up the now”, but do our efforts tell that story? Do they tell a story of someone who despite their circumstances is making the best of their story? Through the pain, unanswered prayers and so many other things? Do we cherish and capture the moments that are here and now?

 

I am in the middle of these. three. books. right now and all of them are coming together in my heart saying.

 

My today’s are gifts that are a part of a bigger story. Infertility is a gift that is part of a bigger story. These moments are a gift that are a part of a bigger story. HIS story. 

 

I want to put all my effort into focusing on my part of HIS story.  To make the most of what I have right now. To document it, to remember it, to create it, and to walk with hope and confidence that my story will fulfill it’s purpose.

 

So here we are waiting for you baby, praising God for his goodness in everything and telling this moment of your story.

 

** We have received so much love and support from our friends and family and we are feeling so incredibly grateful. We feel confident in the direction God has lead us and would appreciate prayers, but not suggestions on alternative methods at this time. Sometimes those suggestions can be very painful and unintentionally hurtful. Thank you again for lifting us up in prayer and walking through this with us.

Photos by Natalie Norton

  1. Tiffany Farley

    Love this. Love you. Praying. ♥

  2. Kelley Danielson

    Many prayers and love coming your way! You will be awesome parents!!!! I am confident it will come.. Soon… Just hold on! xoxo….

  3. Alexandra

    Love you, G!! It’ll happen. I have no doubt about that. You and Matt are too amazing to not have children. Keep praying, keep praying, don’t give up. Sending up big prayers and sending big hugs!! XOXOXO

  4. sister sarah

    I pray that God gives you both peace in these moments of growth! We love you! Keep God as your focus babe. He will carry out his plan and either way it is best:) He loves you more than anything! I pray that God gives you comfort while he’s carrying out his loving will. We love you both so much and completely support you guys! <3

  5. Pam Parker

    Gina, I’ve been praying for you since we met in Austin in Oct. not for a specific outcome because I don’t know His plan for you. I’ve been praying for peace and acceptance and it seems that’s where you are. I’m so happy for and proud of you.

  6. Damaris Mia {Le Magnifique}

    I’ve been following you for some time now and just want to say that you are an incredible woman. I was in your position over a year ago and I know how it feels. I suffered two back to back miscarriages after trying to get pregnant for a year but God had BIGGER plans than we could EVER imagine and blessed us with TWIN boys. SO unexpected. You can read my story here: http://theandreicas.blogspot.com/2013/04/our-story-miscarriages.html.

    Hugs girl! <3

  7. Melissa Oholendt

    SO CRAZY PROUD OF YOU. Love you. Praying with you and for you.

  8. Eli's Mom

    After miscarriages, we were blessed to have a little baby boy at 36 years old. I believe in God’s miracles and I know He has one for you and husband. We will include you in our prayers. Hugs!

  9. Becky

    I know i’ve said it before, but continuing to send you lots of love, prayers and virtual hugs. Your perspective is amazing Gina!

  10. Petronella

    I love you for so honestly sharing your story. He is good & His timing is always perfect. Waiting & believing to meet your little one xoxo P

  11. tasha

    You two are beautifully strong and will be the most incredible parents to a little one! This journey you are on is one that I am all too familiar with, but after 6 years, our story changed and we finally saw a “+” sign… When I first held our little guy in my arms, I thought, “Lord, THIS is why it took 6 years… We were always supposed to have THIS baby.” The Lord is preparing you to be parents at the most perfect time to the most perfect baby. For now the battle is tough, really tough, but you have the best outlook and amazing support and love from so many! Someday you will see the Lord erase every moment of wanting and hoping with the gift of a baby! You are meant to be the mommy to a little one… I pray the Lord brings that blessing to you in His perfect time!

  12. alexia

    SO Beautiful Gina! Sending my thoughts and prayers and a big hug to you today. LOVE the picture of the two of you.

  13. Laura

    Love you, G. So thankful for this post today- it’s exactly what my heart needed to hear. I’m walking right there with you, and will be praying for you. Covering you in Psalm 61 right now- it’s been one of my go-tos the past few weeks.

  14. Andrea

    You are brave. You are beautiful. All moments are for Him. This moment is for Him.

  15. em

    your heart is so beautiful and i learn so much from it. this was totally something God intended for me to read this morning and I am grateful for it.

  16. Lara

    I love you so so so much.

  17. Carissa

    Gina, This post is beautiful. This is exactly what we have been going through the last couple of months and the perspective is what God has been showing us as well. It was SO encouraging to read it from you, to see that our God is so amazing. That He always wants the best for us and that is taking things one day at a time, enjoying it one day at a time, and thanking Him one day at a time. Thanks for being honest and speaking words of wisdom and truth. It helps to know your not the only one. xo.

  18. Breanna

    G, you are so incredibly strong and blessed with a husband that can fully support and love you through this time. Just know that there are so many people praying for you two, and it is so encouraging to know that God is providing comfort. Love you!

  19. Erin Davenport

    As I’m also reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years right now I’m cheering for you and your choice to live in and enjoy *this* time, this special time that is indeed part of your little one’s story and your own. The photo of you and Matt is so wonderful and makes my heart smile. This will be such a wonderful thing to share with your child someday 🙂 In the meantime, yay for you and your courage, openness and wisdom. Love you!

  20. Victoria Derrick

    You two are beautiful. Hugs and love as you progress in this story.

  21. Brittany

    Sending giant hugs to you. Many prayers for now and in the future. Xoxo B

  22. Michelle Amarillo

    Oh Gina! How brave of you to share your story! While, I may not know the feelings of infertility I know about the need of wanting to be at the next step. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, now and always! <3

  23. Julie Greer

    You amaze me. You will be a beautiful mother inside and out.

  24. Erika Tracy

    You are beautiful! Love this picture of y’all so much and you are just so right. Praying for you both.

  25. Liz

    Hi Lovely – hugs for you today. Grateful for your honesty and AUTHENTICITY. You have so much to offer a child however that turns out and they will be so blessed to have you as their mama. And you’re right, while we’re waiting, let’s not let what we have now pass by in anticipation of the next wonderful thing. It’s hard but will be worth it all. Be strong!

  26. Ashley Flores

    stumbled across your blog via lara casey. thank you for sharing this. i am currently going through an internal struggle with conceiving a child that i never thought i’d be experiencing, and this was encouraging. also, i wanted to let you know that crazy love changed my entire life the first time i read it, and i even read it again to lead a book club. it is amazing and i’m praying God completely regenerates your heart to wholly look like His. be blessed.

    xoxo

  27. Emily

    This message could not have came at a better time in my life. My husband and I have been waiting for our plus sign for 2.5 years. It is such a painful road to travel, but your words have brought me comfort in knowing that every moment we have should be treasured and that our baby story is still being written! Thank you for your kind and inviting heart, Gina! You truly are a blessing to this world!

  28. Jessica Chavez

    My heart overflows with gratitude because I thank God for His strength to you in this story. You are in my prayers sweet G! xoxo

  29. emily griffith

    we’ve been there too. sending you a HUGE hug and as always, thank you for candidly, honestly and genuinely sharing YOU, your joys and struggles. you continue to inspire and encourage those around you. may you find strength and joy in this time and always.

  30. April

    You are an amazing strong and beautiful woman, xoxo. My prayers are with you 🙂

  31. Wendi Solari

    You have such an amazing perspective.

  32. Emily

    Oh, G. I love you. I am so proud of you. And I cannot wait to continue watching your child’s, your family’s, story be written. Praying for you always.

  33. Sarah

    Gina,
    Thank you SO much for your open, gracious heart. I have been dealing with this same thing. We are on month four, but on years of waiting for this time in our life. I’ve seen so many get pregnant so easily (A friend of mine: “We just tried once and had the first baby and then tried again and had the second baby.”) and it’s very hard not to get mad and upset, but I agree with you – it’s not our place to figure out the timing. It’ll make having a baby all the more worth it. Thank you for sharing! God bless!

  34. Francie Moran

    You never cease to amaze me in your outlook on life. You have so much love to give I am quite sure He has a purpose for it. Keep the faith and the smiles and that wonderful talent flowing and the best will come back to you. Love you darlin’!

  35. Amy

    Gina-I admire your openness, honesty, and vulnerability so much! As someone who has been there and spent years in a secret struggle, I admire your courage to share. It’s a hard road. Hold onto hope, because the other side is good. So good.

  36. emily

    Thinking happy houghts for you guys. I really admire you and willingness and courage to share your story and your perspective on moments in life.Thank you! It has given me insight that i never thought about before. Praying for your both!!

  37. Diane Taylor

    Hi Gina – I haven’t commented on your blog in so long – and I am so sorry about that. I still follow it faithfully – and posts like this one today are why. I went thru a similar journey in the 80s, and after many failed attempts and 4 miscarriages, on April 25, 1987, God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy named Jonathan Paul Daily. He blessed with me with that sweet boy for 24 amazing years. And on March 1, 2012 God called him home. I never imagined that our story would end that way. Never imagined that a fire in his apartment would take his life and leave me empty again. You are so right – our time on this earth is numbered. I cling to the days I spent with Jonathan. I walk in the truth that he lived a purpose-filled life. In heaven, there is nothing wasted! I am so proud to be his Mom. I always taught him by example – and now it is he who is teaching me to live my best life possible – tears and all. Tomorrow is his 26th birthday – and I plan to eat cake and celebrate his life. I will pray for you that God keeps you close as your story continues to BE 🙂 You have inspired me more than you will ever know. Your story is such a beautiful one 🙂

    xxxooo – Diane

  38. tazia detweiler

    sending prayers your way <3

  39. Mackenzie

    Love you and your heart so much, Gina.

  40. Shayla

    Gina, I applaude you for opening up and will continue to pray for your family!

  41. Melissa Jean

    SUCH a great perspective! Lovely to be able to read this authentic real story. Prayers your way! =)

  42. Joy Petersen

    Blessed to know you and hear your story. You are an incredible couple. I wish you all of God’s blessings on your journey together.

  43. Noe

    God is good G and he knows your heart You are an incredible human being! You amaze me.
    Thank you so much for this post. You are an inspiration!!
    And I am confident that there will come the day when you tell us how joyfully this story ends. !

  44. Noe

    Oh G! You are an amazing woman! Thank you Thank you Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for inspiring so many of us and filling our own doubtfull thoughts with perspective. God knows your heart G! and I am confident that there will come the time when you will tell us the joyful end of this beautiful Story. I don’t know you IRL but I honestly LOVE and pray for you! <3

  45. Danica

    Praying for you girl. Love you.

  46. Kylee Meyer

    My parents were unable to have a baby for several years…but in the end ( through both natural birth & adoption), they ended up with 5 of us =) I have total faith in the beautiful little children God has planned for you! Love you.

  47. Ali

    Praying. Thank you for your authenticity…continuously…on your blog and in your life. <3
    God does have a plan for you. He places desires into us and he LOVES you more than you know. He's taking care of you. Patience is hard and often isn't what we think we need or want, but He knows.
    He has IMMEASURABLY MORE planned for you, Gina! Ephesians 3:16-20

  48. Lynette DuFresne

    I lift you and your husband in prayer along with my daughter and husband, Vanessa and Jake, as they share your pain too! Only faith can guarantee the blessings that you hope for. Hebrews 11:1

  49. Leah mesic

    Hey, Admir & I have been here for awhile… Our story seems to get more and more complicated but it’s not done yet either. If you ever need anyone to talk to let me know. It’s a sad sorority to be stuck in but sometimes knowing the others in it makes all the difference.

  50. athena

    gina my darling – you are the most amazing and magnificent creature and your child is already beyond blessed to be gifted you as a mother. keep living your story. it’s one of the good ones – the best ones, really – and you’re absolutely living out the character you were created to be. it’s just magic.

    sending love and prayers your way. always. xo

  51. Natalie Norton

    This: “We want so badly for the next part of our story to start, with quite possibly ignoring the one we are in.” Beautiful. And yes. And I love you.

  52. Gina

    Nice to know that we aren’t the only ones going through this… Must be a Gina thing 😉 It WILL happen and when it does, its going to be SOOOOOO amazing. Best of luck to you and your husband.

  53. Ashley Hall

    Love you and know you will be a terrific mother when God decides the time is right!

  54. Emily G.

    Gina: I haven’t checked out your blog in such a long time, and happened to stumble upon this post. You write so beautifully and your photos are always so beautiful, too. I am not going through this exact part of life, but something similar. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting this into words, words that are helping me in my struggle. I am praying for you and your husband. I am adopted. My parents waited 9 and a half years just to get me and I know this was a similar hardship they went through. Thinking of and praying for you! Thank you again – you are an amazing person!!!

  55. Leah

    Hey! I just found your blog by way of Leah Fontaine. I don’t know her personally but I read her blog because, well, her name is Leah and there aren’t many of us out there! Anyway, I’m a fellow believer and I too had to learn to wait upon the Lord. But my wait wasn’t for the baby it was for the husband. I started looking and praying for my husband when I was 19 or 20 and didn’t meet him until I was in my mid-30s. I prayed. I cried. I feared I’d be alone forever. I feared I’d never be a mother. In the mean time I finished college, had a very successful career, bought a home, traveled, but all the while all I wanted was a husband and a family. Those 10+ years were long and lonely. And then one day it happened. I’ve now been married for almost 8 years and have 2 beautiful children. I’m not one to say “it was worth the wait” but I have come to see that God used that time to prepare me for what was to come. I won’t go in to all the details here, but I will say that the time of refinement was not wasted. I hope Ive been an encouragement to you. He wants to give you the desires of your heart. This time will not be wasted.

  56. JoAnne

    Dear Gina, thank you for courageously sharing your journey. I respect and admire your hope and confidence in the Lord, which shines ever so brightly. I shed a tear alongside you, as we are along a similar path. I just read an encouraging comment by a powerful prayer ministry – “each couple who has not yet conceived, should stop looking at what has ‘worked’ for other around them. Each case is unique. Seek God for your own strategy.” And sometimes that includes waiting… (on His perfect timing.) With You, JoAnne

  57. Cami

    Gina, you are such a blessing and I SO appreciate your authenticity and honesty with your struggle. God is faithful and I imagine you cherish your son in such a deeper way than if you hadn’t been through this trial. Thank you for being so transparent!

  58. Kaylee

    I will keep ya’ll in my prayers! I know how hard it can be as my husband and I are going on 4+ years and an early miscarriage. God gives us the strength to get through things we couldn’t get through on our own. Many hugs and prayers!

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