Can I start with this?!? I am writing this post to remind myself and hopefully each of you, this exact thing. Read below.
Life is MORE THAN the data that you see. -Wes Feltner
Can we just talk about the hard things? When life doesn’t add up? When we feel like what’s the point? Not that there aren’t beautifully good things going amongst the hard. Not to be depressed or down, but to talk about when things are hard & unfortunate for NO apparent reason. That is why the quote above has hit me right between the eyes.
Our pastor Wes Feltner just started a sermon series on Ecclesiastes and man it is balm for my soul. It’s talking about all those questions. It’s a different and beautiful conversation to be having in church. No I’m not trying to sell you a series or even church (even though it would be so worth your time), I just want to encourage you that LIFE IS MORE THAN just the current data that you see.
While heavy maybe for some, my heart has always been rooted in the real. I truly don’t have a lot of time for the fluffy, fake “all is well all the time” song in my life. I want to share my real, to encourage you to do the same. The relationships that I have in my life I strive to be fully open, sharing our hearts, because honestly life on earth A LOT of times doesn’t make any sense. And pretending that it does often isolates others and doesn’t help them share that they might be struggling with as well. This is why I have been so open in sharing about our infertility , very challenging first 15 months with our son & our miscarriage this summer.
While I don’t have all the answers or a pretty bow to the question of why these things happen, I can share with you that grief and loss has been popping up in our lives this season. From the loss of our 12 week along pregnancy, to employees leaving due to unexpected injury, to managing stress during my busiest time of year. The grief has come in waves and then tapers. I continuously feel that logically I am really good, we knew the risks that 1 and 4 mothers miscarry, going through infertility we were never naive about having children. Our hearts always cautious but also trusting in God’s plan. We do feel so secure in love by the father, yet the most challenging part is the emotional that can pop up when I see my friends (yes plural there are multiple) that are due within days of when we were. Seeing them often brings back so many old infertility feelings which I wish weren’t a part of this journey. This is where if I just look at the data I see, I can feel completely helpless, deflated and like…..what is the point.
This is where I have to CHOOSE.
I have to say hello and welcome (not stuff away) those feelings of sadness, hurt, want and waiting.
And then promptly lay them at my Father in heavens feet and say, I trust you. I trust your plan. I trust your story. I believe that you love me despite this. I STILL CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE FAITHFUL. Even when my flesh wants to spew lies “like he isn’t trustworthy, look at the current data…he has forgotten you Gina, it would be shameful to hope in the father as he allowed this kind of hurt.”
I CHOOSE THIS QUOTE. Which I literally hit replay 100 times on the video recording of the sermon because it’s the perfect definition of what we trying with all our might to do everyday.
You have got to learn to LIVE by faithful obedience (fear God and keep His commandments) NOT because life makes sense, but precisely BECAUSE IT DOESN’T. – Wes Feltner
Wes went onto say that…..If life made sense why would you need faith? Isn’t that the truth? We all would love a easy non changing life, right. Yet, growth & becoming more like Christ isn’t often found in the unchanging & It’s only through the eyes of faithful obedience during hardship that you will find TRUE meaning.
So here our family is choosing Christ, choosing to trust when it makes NO sense at all. Even when it hurts, Even when it feels impossible. When we see other friends walk through hurt worse than ours. We choose to believe HE is still a GOOD GOOD FATHER and this is just a part of our beautiful story that points back to Him.
So if you are in a similar place of feeling like it all doesn’t make sense, I hope this encourages you that you aren’t alone. That there is HOPE in the one who conquered the treadmill of life & loss FOR YOU. Let’s trust Him with all we got. Even in the worst of it.
He will find you in the littlest of graces. Like this one that pops up on my computer screen every day for the last 2 years, it literally blows my mind most days.
Believe Gina! He is for you. He is Faithful. from Gina Zeidler on Vimeo.
Also, crazy that this is an Ecclesiastes verse on this swaddle blanket, the one thing I bought early on for the baby that we lost. We took this photo at about 7 weeks along.
Man Lord, I am ready for what you have for me in this book of the bible and this new sermon series. Thank you Lord for meeting me in the smallest of places. We will continually cling to the hope that you have conquered it all so we are holding on and trusting in faithful obedience, when life doesn’t make sense. And enjoy this ride! There is so much good amongst the trials and the pain!
I have so many feels when I read this. We went through a season of deep pain and grief due to infertility and loss, and you said exactly what I’ve learned along the way – we choose. We may not be choosing what we want to choose or what we always thought we’d be choosing, but there is choice nonetheless, and I’ve found that making the good and healthy – albeit sometimes hard – choices has brought my to a place of loveliness I had never envisioned. I’m coming to MTH next week and can’t wait to give you a hug from one mama with a tiny one in Heaven to another.
Gina! This is beautiful and so much what I needed to read right now. Thank you for sharing your honest, beautiful self. xoxo
YES Gina! This is so, so good. Thank you for sharing your heart and this truth from God. I’m excited to hug you in a few days! 🙂
Yah…I’m definitely on a similar path. I’ve paralleled this time in my life to labor – extensive periods of deep pain, broken up not by periods of joy, but by pauses in the pain, not relief from it. It’s been hard and my faith definitjrtvtesred. It’s been humbling to ask for prayer.
Gina, I pray for you every day. Thank you for sharing your sweet heart. Love you so much!
Thank you Gina! This is exactly what I needed to read! My first was an easy baby and my second has been awful. I’ve cried more nights than I can count after 3 plus hours of trying to get my 8 month old to sleep. I’ve googled all the issues and felt so alone thinking everyone else has this “mommin” thing all figured out except for me! Thank you for the reminders that we are never alone in this. I’m hopeful there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can’t quite see it yet! Thank you for being so real and putting yourself out there!
Alyssa! Praying for you girl. It’s so impossibly hard! I would HIGHLY recommend Teresa Stewart with http://stewartfamilysolutions.com/! She saved us and helped our son sleep over time! You are rockin’ it and growing in each moment!
So proud of you Maggie!