First, I want to say thank you to each and everyone of you who took time to share words, a prayer, or encouragement after my last post about our struggle to have a baby . You all were so wonderful also about respecting our words. We are overwhelmed and grateful for each one of you! Thank you.
There are so many tough moments during this infertility road that it’s hard to know what to say to someone struggling with it. Everyone means well when they offer advice or encouragement, but it can sometimes cause hurt unintentionally. I just wanted to voice what I have learned so far through this process so that it might bless another going through it or their friends who have a hard time knowing what to say.
It feels :: I totally know this phrase comes from the best place when I hear it, but it can be hard to hear. As a Christian, I believe God only knows when and where and how and if we are going to be blessed with a child. I love that you mean well, but you don’t know that it is going to happen soon.
Better option :: I think the most wonderful thing to say to someone struggling to conceive a child is ” I am hoping for you” even ” I am hoping for you when you feel like you can’t hope anymore” those words hit my soul to the very core in the most tender way. Hope for your friends when they are struggling to hope for themselves. Prayer is always great too.
It feels :: Again, I know all of these suggestions are just because people want to help. Yet this one can really hurt my heart with frustration. Especially the second one. When I hear those words I can honestly say I have visualized giving someone a high five in the face with a chair. (Ugly, but true) I want to say dear friend, if you were going to over 7 appointments a month and having to take medication or supplements daily, could you not think about it? How could I not stress about it? Unfortunately I have no way to really not think about it.
Better Option :: Offer up something to get my mind off of the current hardship. Let’s go get our nails done, sip on some tea, take a walk in our sweatpants. Just the pure action of offering your time is wonderful and will help me get my mind off of all of this.
It feels :: Gosh I love when people have joyous victories and beautiful children at the end of this journey. It’s such a praise to the Lord God for answering prayer, but these words can sometimes be really discouraging when I can barely think about getting through this month. Goodness 9 years sounds so scary to me. Know that I don’t want to diminish your journey or time in struggling with infertility but “time” is sometimes hard to take in. Keeping it general has helped my soul.
Better Option :: Girl, I have been there and now am on the other side. It’s day by day challenge and I am hoping for you.
It feels :: I am so grateful for those who follow our journey via this blog and my social media streams! You are such a huge source of strength and comfort! But staring at my (or anyone else’s) midsection is just plain awkward. And second, maybe I did just eat one too many cheeseburgers that week! It’s important to remember that we, like all new parents, long for the element of surprise. . . I have really grieved the loss of this along our journey. We keep our family and friends updated as we ask for prayers as we walk this path. It’s hard to know that we will most likely miss out on the, “Surprise! We’re pregnant!” part of the game. I sometimes feel like I can’t invite family or friends over for no reason, because everyone’s wondering if there’s a big announcement coming!
Better option: Don’t ask infertility treatment/ovulation dates (and please, don’t try to ascertain them by dissecting blog and social media posts). And for the love of all that is beautiful in this world, PLEASE don’t stare at my midsection (or anyone else’s for that matter). 🙂 We’re excited to surprise y’all when and if the Lord blesses us the way we hope he will.
It feels :: Truthfully, the ugly emotions and tears—this has been the toughest part of this walk for me. I just plain and simple don’t feel like my normal self. Whether it be my heart is just breaking month after month or the fertility treatments, I seem to have a hard time being my normal upbeat self. Especially around those closest to me. I avoid contact and long conversations, because some days I am just really close to crying my face off in public. Overall I honestly do feel peace and joy most of the time. Yet, the anger, bitterness and pain are all still there too. It’s crazy how you can be so trusting in the Lord’s plan, but so sad at the same time.
Better Option :: All that to say. Please don’t take it personally. I promise it’s not you, it’s me. I do want to be held accountable and not get the get out of jail free card just because of this trial, but know that I am trying hard somedays just to get through. Also, just ask me what’s on my heart once and awhile and I promise I will try to give you the honest answer.
Know that this isn’t an all inclusive list and that I probably said these things many times before I was walking this road. We all make mistakes, say the wrong thing and hurt feelings so know I have no expectations, just wanted to write a post that may or may not be helpful for those who don’t know and to hopefully share some laughs with other women hearing the same things.