Dear friends, I have spent my last month in a not so awesome place. I hate admitting things like this because I want to have it all together. But I have been down cowering in a little hole hurting. I have had many growing pains this month personally, which aren’t inherently bad, but how I let them eat up my whole self was just sad. I literally had my world and sense of self altered by WPPI. It was overwhelming in every sense. I did have a really great time with friends, but I struggled with my purpose there. In a place of tens of thousand photographers, you are just one little spec in the midst a ridiculously loud and noisy crowd. I took this feeling personally and boy did it come home with me and until late last week it has affected me on every level. What changed you might ask?
Mid-last week I was driving to a workout that I was hoping to avoid after a long and horrible day. While praying and fighting the tears in the car. I blurted out “I don’t want to hurt anymore” followed by prayers asking if God could take away this burden. Wondering if he could really relive this crap that I have carried around for almost a month? Which as I am writing seems hilarious that I would even doubt his power. But sometimes we just get caught up in moments where we think we are too far gone. After about 5 minutes, the anxiety that I had been holding onto all week finally released. Yet later that evening my hubby and I got into a disagreement that brought it right back, again I was stubborn to let the worries go. A hard night sleep helped me put my head back on straight and that morning I declared to let the man upstairs take over, I just can’t do it alone. Things are looking up, and I am back to making things happen.I finally felt like me after 3 weeks.
Tonight while watching the Biggest Loser or should I say crying through the Biggest Loser, this song came on at the end. I just heard a couple of the words and rushed down to my office to listen. I am in tears listening to all the lyrics that are so valid for where I am in life right now. Seriously every single one of these lyrics touches my heart. Check out this amazing video where the artist Britt Nicole talks about the story behind the song. So please listen to this song while you are reading the lyrics.
You look around
It’s staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I’m overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one’s there?
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won’t let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too
So get out
And let
Your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don’t wait
Don’t you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you’re not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won’t let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you’re broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can’t see where you’re going
You don’t have to be afraid
So what are you waiting,
What are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you’re made for more
So don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water…
Walk on the water too
You were way more than a little spec in a large crowd. You were a lovely conversation at dinner, you were fun, and real, a breath of fresh air and a friendly face. Thanks for that. Sorry to hear of your hurt but I’m hopeful you’ll come out better for having endured the growing pains. Be well.
gorgeous post. love you 🙂
I know exactly how you feel, Gina. Thanks so much for this post and song, it really speaks to me right now. You are strong and courageous, great post!
You are inspiring and beautiful. Sending you warmest wishes and all the best! 🙂
I come to your blog here and there and just had to post a comment. I know I don’t know you that well but from what I have seen you are such a fun, lovely, genuine spirit (and you are gorgeous on the outside). Embrace the hills that you will come across through life because it will only make you stronger. Best wishes my dear!
Gina- you are beautiful. Thank you for your raw honesty. And remember- “God works all things together for good for those who love Him.” Our God is GOOD.
Girl, you are so inspirational and so REAL. I’m confident things will pick up for you soon. Keep your head up… You are talented, smart, strong, along with many other great qualities. Whenever I’m going through struggles, I try to remember this quote: “If he brings you to it, he’ll bring you through it.”
I love your honesty. I wish I could be that honest…or at least be brave enough to write it down for the world to read!
much love for your transparency …when you allow yourself to “open” you make more room to be “filled”. We don’t even know each other and you just made a difference in my life (for being gorgeous you). I SO am sharing your same path…love xo