Why is it that when we fail our first instinct (or at least my first instinct) is to curl up in a little ball and feel sorry for ourselves?
Last night I had a goal and it didn’t happen. I didn’t just miss this goal by a lil’ bit, in defiance I ran towards failure. Then I proceeded to give myself a pity party, emotionally and physically. I went straight to my coping mechanism of Hulu.com, pajamas and my bed. I think from a young age I have learned that if I get mad I don’t have to deal with the real feelings that are stirring inside. So, I crossed my arms and didn’t respond to my husbands hugs or kisses. I was pouty, frustrated and disappointed in myself. I got up to turn the lights off to go to bed, and the LIGHT really went on.
I created this. I chose pity vs getting myself back up and back on track. I say to others fall 7 times get back up 8, yet I don’t give myself the power of those words. I chose to let my failure take over my entire body and attitude. In hindsight I am see myself like a lil’ kid who didn’t get her way in the sandbox and just gave up. I want to go pick up that little girl up and tell her to brush herself off and go for it again. Tell her that her choices of reaction and response do matter. She has a choice.
Also, this is where I am starting to think about a family in the future. I don’t want my kids to believe the lie that failure is bad or an ending place. I want my kids to fail and try harder. To be able to laugh at their mistakes, as they try again.
I want my littles to shoot a basket, swing a bat, and raise their hand without a fear of failing. I want them to miss/strike out/give the wrong answer and be so excited to try again. I want them to know that their worth isn’t built in their actions but in the Lord. I want to try my hardest to never crush that spirit. Goodness me, in writing this I see so much clarity as how God the father feels about us.
He is saying to each of us…….
I want you to know that your actions, successes, and failures do not equal your worth. I am your worth. See yourself through me. That goal you tried tonight, you tried to accomplish alone, take your eyes off of me and you will slip into darkness. Keep your eyes fixed on me and I will hold you up. I will fight for you. I will never let go. I want you to go through life not afraid to fail. You are a sinner you will fail, it’s part of life here on earth. Your never going to be perfect. Yet, because I am bigger than any circumstance or problem. What are you afraid of? I am good. I am sovereign. I want to bless you. So if I am for you, who could be against you? But I do give you free will to choose your flesh or to choose me.
So are you done realizing that crossed arms and a hardened heart, get you nowhere?
If your curled up and stubborn right now. If your tendency is to get mad and shutdown when you fall on your face. I encourage you to ask yourself, where is this response going to take you? Nowhere. You are paralyzing yourself in your self made fear bubble. Your feel sorry for me bubble. Take a second and step back for some perspective and maybe repeating this to yourself might help. I always I listen better when I write to myself.
Try it. Fill in your name_______(Gina) If you want to do yourself some good. Get uncomfortable. Lay down your pride and let go of your failures at his feet. Opening your hands and heart, although its crazy uncomfortable and not your first instinct. Even though you don’t feel like it. Believe his word is truth.
G. Seriously, choose to feel the feelings. They aren’t bad. They aren’t even that scary. They are what is supposed to happen. Notice when you get angry at yourself and closed off. Use that awareness as a time to really examine your heart and get on your knees in prayer. You can change this engrained response, but it is going to take work. Work that will be well worth it. Work that will show your children someday that failing is a part of everyday life and its healthy. Be that girl Gina. You have it in you.
Some goofy portraits that Miss Natalie took of me in DR.
Thanks so much for sharing these beautiful words, Gina! I love your honesty and how you share your thoughts, struggles, fears and brokenness with us all. For a person that hides from feeling the feelings I needed to read this. So encouraging. Thank you!
you are phenomanal. hands down.
you are going to be such a wonderful mom.
you always seem to write EXACTLY what I need to hear and/or tell myself. seriously, it’s getting kinda creepy 🙂
V ::: You are beautiful and such a gem. We might be twins? Maybe 😉 Happy Week Love.
I would just like to say thank you! You totally opened my mind, heart, and perspective on a situation i’m currently in. I didn’t get a promotion at work and did exactly what you described. I was Sooooo mad at my employer until 5 minutes ago when I read this article. Again thank you…..
Stuart :: You are so welcome. Thank you for your words. So glad that the perspective has got a new point of view.There has got to be something better on the horizon! Happy Monday!
AMEN, sister!!! No, seriously, this is the EXACT thing I am working on right now with myself. I do this ALL the time, and finally, I had enough. I made a promise to start praying when I feel like I am slipping away into that “pity party.” Well said, Gina! xoxo
Shefali :: I can’t wait to meet you friend! I love your promise to start praying at the beginning of the pity feelings. Let’s keep each other accountable. Happy Monday. G
LOVE this post and needed to read it this week! xoxo, Erin
Erin :: So wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for your sweet comment. Have a wonderful MONDAY. You have this.
G
I’m super smitten with you, these words, and those photographs. Can’t wait to meet next week. xo
A :: You are so sweet. NUMMY FOOD tomorrow 🙂 Kick MONDAY’s butt!
Needed this today! THANK YOU!
Sara :: THANK you. I am so grateful for you. G
inspirational thoughts. but do you know how hard it is for most men to feel and embrace the feelings?
Les :: Thank you for your comment. While personally I don’t know what it is like to be a guy 🙂 I know how hard it is for you to embrace it all. Especially men and needing their freedom to fail. I hope that this post encourages you too! To know its ok to fail and to learn and move forward! Happy Monday.
Perfect words, perfect timing! It’s so difficult to gain perspective when we feel all this…
From one Gina to another, we GOT this and through time we will have that perspective as reality!
Gina,
Your words touched my heart. I feel like you were talking about me and the cycle I’m trying to break in my own life. Your authenticity inspires me greatly. Thank you for being bold and sharing a piece of your heart. I hope I can meet you someday! 🙂
Amanda :: Your words touched mine back. There is always a bit of fear when I hit publish, but messages like yours make it all worth while. Thank you for your encouragement. I hope I can meet you too! Much LOVE!
You’ve got this Gina!!
E & R :: I am so grateful for your support. You two are amazing. It’s your year!
Gina, what a beautiful inspiring post, esp the words, “See yourself through me.” So comforting to know I’m not the only one who hides when I fail. Love this rocking photos of you in DR!
P :: You are so wonderful. Let’s be bold and fail with Grace. Much LOVE
Love.you.so.much. So grateful for you, lady
Gosh, I love you.
Gosh, I love you. Like, a lot.