It was early morning as I heard Brady and Emily fading in and out of sleep, I mumbled to have her hand Brady to me and to go start getting ready. I love lil’ ones and I am usually a pretty good baby whisperer so my plan was to lay him on my chest and rock him to see if we both could squeeze in another 30 minutes of sleep, while mommy was getting ready for her photoshoot. When all the sudden this five month old, perches up in a seal push up and takes one look at me and produced a smile that changed me.
Until that moment I had never understood how adults give up their precious sleep for their children. Seriously. I mean I knew it in my head, but I didn’t know it in my being, until Mr. Brady Ley (his full name sounds so dashing) popped out that perfect grin. He definitely has the ladies touch already. (Em you better watch out. Especially for the girls with “lellow” hair.) After seeing that smile, Brady could have asked me for a million dollars and a key to the city and I would have made it happen. I couldn’t believe the immensely beautiful innocence and LOVE that God instills in us when we are born. This is how Moms don’t get a full nights sleep for years. I was immediately head over heels for this 5 month old and he wasn’t even my own.
I feel like God is preparing my heart on all levels for babies. Matt if you are reading this post breathe deep and don’t pass out, preparing my brain around having a baby. (p.s. Mya, your years of lap luxury, attention and spoiling are numbered.) I always have wanted kids and hope with God’s blessing that we will have them. Maybe 2, maybe 3. Yet, in the last years I haven’t yet had baby fever or felt ready. I still feel I have so much learning and growing within myself before I have another to look after, another to be a model for.
Truthfully it’s scary when somedays I feel like I can’t handle myself, my dog, my house, let alone a creature (and by creature, I mean a human) that depends on me. Do you ever feel this way? I know your never fully ready and that God’s timing is perfect. So for now I am going to continue adding to my future Zeidler nugget board on Pinterest, listening to God’s nudges and soaking in the unexpected rare moments, like this morning I shared, waking up with Brady.